The Fighting Has to Stop

I can't take it. We fight and argue like little kids. He doesn't understand what the affect is. My therapist was right it is extremely toxic living here with him. My emotional well-being is being affected, dramatically. I need a vent; someone to talk to when I'm down and out-- someone I can call all hours of the night and speak to someone I trust. Shit... the only person I trust now is Stephen and when he's at work... what can I do? What am I supposed to do?

Over The Hedge

I'm broken. I tend to over-analyze every situation. I think the walls have ears, eyes and can see or hear everything I do. I sleep with my doors closed so I can actually have a peace f mind while I sleep. My therapist says it's post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms. However I know the truth. I am paranoid schizophrenic, homicidal, suicidal, manic depressive, bipolar 1. I hear voices. I hallucinate. Every ream consists of death. Even when he's asleep, I think he can hear my typing this (so, I'm typing as fast as I can). A voice just told me I could kill him in his sleep right now and walk away without anyone else knowing. I've been running low on energy and I've been depressed three-fourths of the day. I just want to lay here and die. Recollection of 06/06/2013

Relationship Suicide

Ya know, it's hard being in a relationship. Whenever you are striving for attention, not receiving it and then you start thinking about plan b's and such. When faced with this predicament most will brush it off their shoulders; however, if you are like the few you start thinking double time on back roads and alleyways you could take to get behind your problem. Faced with this problem daily you may even begin to think morbidly and want to kill yourself. As I stare down this road, a long, one-laned road, I see no dead-end, no turning around. I see helplessness and hopelessness in my future. There are no forks in the road for decisions; there are no stops signs or curves-- there is only destruction. I start devouring myself like a bear waking up from hibernation. My lungs start freezing up, closing. My heart stops beating and starts killing my brain. My brain stops thinking and shuts down-- I am asleep, finally. The pain stops and my world has found it's ease... Finally...